Andrés RM Velarde
Because it has to be you, it has to be intentional.
(above) The Sower by Vincent Van Gogh
Dearest readers,
Welcome back to another week of reflections on my coaching principles. This week, we’ll look more closely at my principle:
Because it has to be you, it has to be intentional.
Think: A Wrinkle in Time or Ted Lasso. This one’s about purposefulness, and living a life full of it.
You can’t control me!
Yeah, you’re right. Only you get to do that. And what a blessing that is. However, it can also be scary. Taking extreme ownership of your life means taking ownership for all of it. The good. The bad. The fucking ugly.
This principle is a reminder that each human is unique and, as a result, may have a unique impact in this world based on how they choose to live. And when it comes to choosing, well, in the famous words of Madeleine L’Engle, “it has to be you.”
You’re one of a kind. There’s no one else like you. And, in my estimation, this makes your existence precious. You only have one shot to live the life you want to live. Might as well make it count. Not because you have to. But because you get to. I risk sounding trite here, but it’s a mindfuck that we have free will. We get to interact with and shape the environment around us. Whoa.
An important truth: No one can live your life for you.
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~ Mary Oliver
Intentional action is purposeful.
Generally speaking, I think the world is a better place when people move through it mindfully. Better outcomes in our lives and societies stem from deliberate choice. Otherwise, we’re simply thrashing about in the waves of chaos. Which is not an effective way of getting what we want, let alone what we need.
To be intentional is to act with a specific desire or outcome in mind. Intentional action is imbued with a desire for how you want the world to be as a result of you being in it. To act with intention is to act in accordance with your sense of purpose and your goals. Not for anyone else’s. Your own.
Your story will necessarily be your own.
Many of my clients look to successful CEOs, self-help authors, spiritual leaders, billionaires, etc. in hopes that the stories of others will offer reprieve from the crushing anxiety of not knowing how their own story will unfold. They seek fool-proof playbooks, 90-day plans, and ready-made courses of action. They want someone else to tell them what to do so they may achieve “success.”
But all this answer-chasing distracts them from what is. Namely, who they are in this very moment, their circumstances and conditioning. These things emerge from experience, our greatest teacher in life. Recall: action begets information.
When you pore over a self-help book in search of assuring wisdom, you’re reading about someone else’s experience. And when you try to map those onto your life, your goals, your desires — it doesn’t quite fit. It will never quite fit.
To be clear, I think it’s valuable to study our role models. We can take away great inspiration from the stories of those who have aligned their actions with their values, especially in a way we aspire to do, also. But please take their stories with a grain of salt.
While your tribe of mentors may impart useful heuristics for decision making, they cannot make decisions for you. Once more: it has to be you.
Intention is a tool in a toolbox.
You don’t have to be intentional about everything, all the time. A few years ago I was kayaking through the San Juan Islands with some Seattle friends. Me and my homies were sitting in the water, waiting for our guide to give us the green light to proceed on the day’s leg of the journey.
To pass the time, I poked my friend Susie with a question, “What are you going to be intentional about today?”
She replied, “Nothing. I’m just going to be, today.”
She might as well have said, “Fuck you and your question. I don’t need to be intentional today.”
Touché, Suze, touché.
Think of intentionality as a tool in a toolbox. It comes in handy a lot. But the tool will not work for every job. There are times when greater learning and progress (not to mention peace) can be gained by surrendering to the universe. More on that in a future piece. Other times, it may pay great dividends to put some thought into the why behind your actions.
How do you decide when to be intentional? That comes back to your goals.
If you can imagine a world where a specific action may have a meaningful impact on reaching your goal(s) — go ahead, be intentional.
If that action is not really going to move the needle toward a goal — chill.
You don’t necessarily need to be intentional about how you fold your socks. Unless, of course, you’re Coach Wooden.
Choose wisely when to pick up intentionality from your toolbox. And have some fun swinging that thing around.
TL;DR: Your journey is unique and, therefore, precious. Be intentional about how you act and treat others. Take ownership of your life because what a gift it is to be you, cradled in your own hands.
With gratitude,
Andrés RM Velarde
