Andrés RM Velarde
You already have what you need within.
(above) Inner Strength by Marina San Miguel
Dear readers,
So I’ve finally put my money where my mouth is. I’ve formalized my personal coaching practice — LLC and all! My new career endeavor is to help others endeavor in their careers (and lives). I seek to compound my skills as a coach and communicator. Naturally, writing is part of my process.
In this piece, I’ll walk you through the thinking behind my first coaching development principle. This post is one in a series in which I peel back the curtain to my mind. I hope we both like what we see on the other side.
It all started with a bunch of soul searching and head scratching.
Before launching my business, I had to take a hard look at myself and ask, “What do you really believe as a coach?”
More importantly, I had to approach this question with radical acceptance, because the story I tell in my head doesn’t always match the one that I play out on the stage of my life. Actions speak louder than words. So also I had to interrogate what my actions say (or have said) about what I “believe.”
After some pondering, walking around outside, staring out the window at the yoga studio, and, most valuably, talking with mentors and past students and clients — here’s where I landed. These are the principles which guide my coaching practice.
- You already have what you need within.
- You can only move from where you stand.
- Becoming is a process with no end.
- Because it has to be you, it has to be intentional.
- Failure is inevitable. If you fail, begin again.
- Saying no and letting go are superpowers.
- Your habits matter as much as your goals.
- Your potential cannot be realized in a vacuum.
- Not all growth comes through struggle.
- Creating a life you love requires giving your truest self to the world.
Here I must offer the disclaimer that these core development principles are subject to change. They are dynamic and emergent. Also, this list of principles is not exhaustive. I’m sure there are more. But they’ll require more soul searching and head scratching on my end.
Without further ado, let’s dive into my first coaching principle.
You already have what you need within.
I must admit, when I read this one aloud, I think, “If this is true, then why the fuck do I need a coach, huh?”
So let’s unpack it. One of my core beliefs, not as a coach but as a human, is that every human is their own best advocate. Or at least has the ability to become their own best advocate. Because they have a front row seat to their lived experiences, they have the ability to make sense of these experiences and choose for themselves how they want to live, based on what they believe is in their best interest.
Simply put: We have agency.
As a coach, if I fail to acknowledge my client’s agency, I am necessarily robbing them of their dignity. So instead, I seek to help people tap into their real and felt sense of agency so they can make choices (i.e. take actions) that are aligned with their values. I can’t make choices for my clients, nor would I want to.
My clients bring their inner wisdom, the wisdom of experience. And I bring new perspectives, tools for getting shit done, and firm, yet kind, accountability. My goal is to empower each person to make decisions and learn (by reflection) from the consequences or results of their actions. These can be decisions pertaining to their careers, relationships, health & wellness, etc. By doing my part consistently, I hope to equip each person with tools for understanding themselves and their desires better, so they may eventually begin to coach themselves.
Being your own coach means:
- Setting your own specific and measurable goals.
- Deciding your own desired trajectory in life, career, whatever.
- Building systems for tracking and staying accountable for your daily habits.
- Giving yourself grace when you fail, make mistakes, or face setbacks.
And over time, the hope is that these behaviors become so naturally ingrained, that they become extrinsic-motivation-independent. Namely, you can do them even if no one or nothing is there to push you to do them. You just fucking do them.
So in a way, my initial WTF was spot on. After some practice, I don’t think people will need me. They can play my role for themselves, by tapping into what exists within. But not everyone is there yet.
For now, I can help.
A note on control and dogma. Woof.
Let’s quickly (lol) look at this coaching principle from an ideological and philosophical perspective. Bear with me. Or don’t. You can always stop reading.
To have agency is to be in control of your own destiny (to the greatest extent afforded by the universe and all its chaos. Which you may argue is to no extent, but that’s a philosophical debate for later.).
Many ideologies I observe in society seem to promise people a sense of control, but, in fact, actually exert control over them. Whether it’s religion, nationalism, the ideals of traditional family structures, etc. — the mechanism is always the same. Offer psychological safety, take away people’s control.
Dogma is necessarily aimed at preventing us from thinking for ourselves. It prevents us from critically considering what we actually want, and how we may get it.
Dogma often does the old switcheroo on us. It poses and conveniently answers the question of “how ought I to live?” And, in the process, diverts all our attention away from a much more important question, one rooted in self-determination:
“How may I choose to live?”
No pope, guru or coach can tell you how to live. You must choose. And that choice will better serve you if it comes from within. Not a bad place to look considering you already have what you need there.
With gratitude,
Andrés RM Velarde
